Camp Lejeune, NC — A corporal assigned to the 2nd Marine Division reported to his chain of command Tuesday in a state of visible distress after delivering what he described as “an all-time bit” to a mixed-branch audience at the installation ID card office and receiving, in return, complete silence followed by a single cough from a Navy corpsman in the back of the room.
“I nailed it,” the corporal said. “The setup was perfect. The timing was perfect. I’ve done this joke fourteen times and it has never not worked.”
It did not work Tuesday.
The joke, which involves asking whether someone wants to see his CAC card and then producing his Common Access Card while waiting for a reaction that does not come, landed in front of an audience that included two Army warrant officers, one Air Force staff sergeant, one civilian contractor, and the Navy corpsman, none of whom responded in the manner the corporal had anticipated.
“I said it twice,” he confirmed. “I thought maybe they didn’t hear me the first time.”
They heard him the first time.
“We heard him the first time,” confirmed one of the warrant officers, a CW3 with sixteen years of service. “I understood what he was doing. I chose not to participate.”
He was asked why.
“Because I have heard that joke one hundred and forty times,” he said. “I know exactly how many times because I started counting in 2014 and I have never stopped.”
The corpsman in the back did not comment. He had not laughed. He had not not laughed. He had coughed, which the corporal initially interpreted as a suppressed reaction before being informed that the corpsman has seasonal allergies and the cough was unrelated.
“Unrelated,” the corporal repeated.
“Completely unrelated,” the corpsman confirmed.
The corporal has told the joke to three more people since Tuesday.
A lance corporal laughed.
“He’s new,” said the corporal, with the quiet dignity of a man who has found his audience and intends to stay there.
The warrant officer has been updated on this development.
He is not surprised.
He stopped being surprised in 2014.
That was also the year he started counting.
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